I’m about to rant a little.  Please consider yourself warned that this blog is about to get a little negative, and I’m sorry for that.  The thing is, this really needs to be said, and i think by saying it before April 9th (the date of our next battle of the bands), I may be able to avoid looking either like a pretentious prick, or a sore loser, so here we go.

What is with all of the unsigned band competitions?  I feel like every other day, we’re receiving another invitation to take part in some competition to prove that our collective wiener is bigger than all the other local bands wieners.  I guess it’s not the worst thing in the world.  Some of these events provide much needed and appreciated exposure for the bands participating, and at the very least they motivate these bands to get off the couch and promote their cause with more passion than maybe they would otherwise.  My problem is not so much the competition aspect (although I am not very comfortable with the idea of my “art” being judged against someone else’s) but rather with the way that the “winner” is selected in the vast majority of these contests.  These things amount to nothing more than a competition in people wrangling.  Here’s the rules: get as many people as you can to vote for you.  That’s it. Sounds easy right?  WHAT THE FUCK?!?!  Here’s the problem.  What does your ability to get the most people to vote for you have to do with writing a good song, or playing in a good band?  Let me tell you about a few of these contests and some insider info that you’re not supposed to know about.  The names of those involved have been omitted, because this is about the principle of the matter, not calling out the questionable behavior that these contests end up promoting. 

In one contest, you had to have the largest number of online votes.  You could vote once a day, per email address, for several weeks.  One of the bands that we were competing against made it a “band rule” that everyone in the band (5 piece) had to log into hot mail and create 100 email addresses each, and then vote from each email address every day.

In another contest that we were involved in, there was a band of very young kids competing.  Clearly these guys have a ton of friends at school, and probably had parents with large networks of people willing to get online and cast a vote for their friend’s kid’s band.  The scary part was that these guys hardly knew how to play their instruments.  They were TERRIBLE!!!!  Yet somehow they managed to do very well in the competition.  Imagine that!

I could go on and on with examples of digital ballot box stuffing, or other unfair practices  but I think the point is quite clear.  I don’t understand the point of a battle of the bands, or a best band competition where the winner is decided by how many friends they have.  IT”S A FUCKING POPULARITY CONTEST!!!  IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GOOD MUSIC!!!  For Christ’s sake, why don’t we go ahead and add a swimsuit segment.  At least then we could all get a good laugh out of seeing James in a speedo!  

Here’s why I’m bringing this up now.  megaphone is competing in WJRR’s Last Band Standing battle this Thursday night April 9th at the AKA Lounge.  Everyone through the door will be handed a ballot, and which ever band has the most ballots in the box at the end of the night wins a slot on the Earthday Birthday Local Band Stage.  This is a great opportunity for whoever wins, and we certainly plan on winning.  The thing that kills me is that we will be judged by how many people we could get to come out on a Thursday night and write our name on a piece of paper.  The quality of song, musicianship, showmanship, or show in general has NOTHING to do with it, and that kills me.  We could just as easily get up on stage and ride around on unicycles playing accordians (maybe two of us will play accordians, and the other two will play tubas!) and as long as we have more friends show up, WE WIN!!!  There is something wrong with that, and i really don’t think i speak for myself when I say that.  

All of that said, we will show up on Thursday night ready to KILL it!  We will bring the rock just like we always do.  We will promote the show just like we always do, and we will intend on winning the contest, just like we always do.  I hope you’ll come out and support the local musicians that bring their craft to the stage.  I hope you’ll cast your vote for the best band.  I hope you’ll be moved by a band that you hear, and I hope that that band will be megaphone.